Tag: motivation

How to Compare Yourself to Others

Comparing…it’s something that we all naturally do, pretty much all of the time. We compare one thing to another.

We also tend to compare ourselves to others. Unfortunately, doing so can lead you to anxieties, depression, manic behavior and all kinds of other things.

But it can also be hugely useful. It all depends in HOW you do it. What follows are some of my thoughts on the do’s and don’ts of comparison.

Comparing Babies

(Everyone will say you shouldn’t do this, but it’s human nature, so my guess is that everyone does it anyway.)

Recently, my wife and I were having a discussion about our baby, Elka. I’d been telling everyone how easy it’s been. She, on the other hand, has been having a rougher time. Obviously, there are some differences in what we’re each doing, her being the mother, the only one that can feed the baby.

AND, I think another part of it, that determined our differing outlooks, was in how we were using our comparison abilities.

In prepping for parenthood, I was asking every other parent I know about it. And I heard some horror stories, especially around the idea of sleepless nights. I really value my sleep, typically getting between eight or nine hours per night. (Part of the reason I need more than the average is because of the strength training I do. I know this because when I travel or lay off the training for other reasons I can function just as well without as much sleep.)

So, I was mentally prepared for that. I imagined having a child who would cry all throughout the night. And I tried to be ready for that.

As it turns out, that is not the case. She sleeps quite well. In fact, we’ve had a few nights where she has slept straight through, eight hours!

Any time there are difficulties, I compare her to what it *could* be. And I am grateful that it’s not.

In short, I compare reality against a much worse possibility, and feel better about how things are.

Onto, a different aspect, and one were I felt my wife was using comparison in a poor way.

Not everything is smooth sailing with Elka. She likes to be held or carried pretty much all of the time, except when she is sleeping at night. In fact, as I’m writing this to you right now, I’m wearing her in the Ergo. And, chances are, if I set her down she would wake up and start crying.

This proves tricky at times. And my wife was comparing her to some of her friends’ babies who could sit or lay by themselves for over an hour at a time.

In short, she was comparing reality against a much better possibility, and feeling worse about how things are.

In my mind, when there are things you can’t control, you should always be comparing against things that are worse. It’s a good recipe for staying positive. There is always a worse possibility…and that can be a good thing.

Financial Comparisons

Let’s switch gears and talk about money, something that we people can’t seem but to help compare ourselves to others in. Again, we shouldn’t do so, but we all do anyway.

I have millionaire friends. And I have friends that don’t make much at all. Plus, everything in between.

I have a really close friend my age that started up in business years after I did. He accelerated past me and sometimes I feel like I’m playing catch up. I have noticed when the thoughts and feelings come up of “Keeping up with the Joneses.”

Overall, that’s not a big issue. I keep it in check, realizing in many ways I don’t want what the Joneses have. But even here, it can be used positively.

Comparison can be used for motivation. Look at someone doing better than you, compare yourself, and then move in that direction.

Comparison can also be used to destroy your motivation. I can look at Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, or many other billionaires and think, I will never make that kind of money. So, what’s the use?

The difference from the previous case is that I can certainly exert a bigger degree of control in the outcome. So then it becomes about selecting the right outcome, based on comparison and if that helps you to make it happen.

Comparing Self to Self

Instead of comparing yourself to others, in many cases you will be comparing your self to your self. That is your past and future selves.

But this area too can be fraught with danger.

Compare where you are now to where you want to be in the future and you’ll always feel like you’re catching up…because you are. Your future self can always be richer, happier, healthier, etc.

This is a great recipe for dissatisfaction.

But that doesn’t mean that’s all it’s for. The simple act of goal setting really is comparing yourself now to that future self. This can be motivating too. It depends on how you feel about it.

And we can also turn to the past. Assuming you’re moving in the right direction, to feel good about yourself compare yourself now to where you were in the past. And you may find “You’ve come a long way, baby!”

But this can also be used to feel crappy about yourself. Look at something you use to have but no longer do. Maybe it’s your looks or your health. Again, more dissatisfaction, or motivation depending on how you do it.

Final Thoughts

This is a subject that is seldom talked about, but as it came into the forefront of my mind I had to write about it to clarify my thoughts.

Understand that comparing is one way that we use our mind, which in turn can radically alter our feelings.  Thus, it’s worth taking an inside look at.

One thing I know, is that my future self will be even more effective at comparing for all the right reasons. 😉

Hopefully, you find these few ideas about comparison useful.

Learning a New Skill

I’m currently learning a new skill, specifically practicing the piano.

Piano

For a long time, I’ve wished I had a musical skill, I just haven’t really pursued it before. This is my efforts to become a full-fledged renaissance man. Wikipedia states:

“When someone is called a ‘Renaissance man’ today, it is meant that, rather than simply having broad interests or superficial knowledge in several fields, the individual possesses a more profound knowledge and a proficiency, or even an expertise, in at least some of those fields. Some dictionaries use the term “Renaissance man” to describe someone with many interests or talents, while others give a meaning restricted to the Renaissance and more closely related to Renaissance ideals.”

As far as I’m concerned, some musical skill is necessary to achieve that ideal. After all, Leonardo da Vinci, the prototypical polymath, did have musical skill.

Besides I know myself, and I know that my auditory sense, and all that pertains to that, is the weakest of my senses. Learning music would be a helpful correction.

Recently, my grandparents-in-law offered me their old stand-up piano and I took them up on their offer. I’m not sure what the reason, but I felt that the piano was a suitable musical instrument for me.

Just a couple of weeks ago, the piano mover’s brought it over to my new home. The next day I got started.

As I did in working towards an artistic skill (specifically drawing), I went to the great teacher of today…Youtube.

Valhalla Drawing
My favorite drawing of one of my cats, Valhalla, after a couple months of practice.

I typed in something along the lines of “beginner’s piano lessons” and found what looked like a good starting place.

But then advertising got me! The pre-roll ad on this video, was an ad for an online piano course on Udemy.

I clicked over and liked what I saw. I shelled out the $29 for the 10-hour video course. After all, it had 4.7 stars with 9418 ratings, so the proof, in addition to the offer, was strong.

(I’ll keep in mind the targeting to the offer, as I plan to start doing Youtube advertising for my businesses soon!)

Although Youtube is a great place to start, there are downsides. Learning from my experience in drawing, Youtube got me going, but it wasn’t very structured. Some channels had a few tutorials in a series, but nothing was very long, nor detailed. I think part of what may have led me to ceasing practicing drawing as much was the lack of structure.

Now, as of writing this, I’m 38 lessons into the course…of 362.

And I’m having a great time. I’m not good by any stretch of the imagination, but I can play a few simple songs. The other night I played a simple tune while my nieces danced around to it.

We’re often told about the 10,000 hour rule. If you want to become an expert in something it takes 10 years or 10,000 hours of practice to do so. But this is expert level. Even world-class in many fields.

What most people aren’t aware of is the 10 hour rule. 

To get okay at something it takes about 10 hours.

There is a huge difference in those numbers. Think about it this way. Most people across the world have never played the piano. They’ve just never tried. So with just a tiny bit of practice, you would be capable of doing more than those that have never done any.

Actually I don’t even know if I’ve totaled 10 hours of practice yet! Probably close to that number. But I’ve already been playing for others.

I wrote about this in my book, Practicing Strength and Movement. Although that is about applying the skills of practice to strength and movement as the title says, so much of that material applies to any skill in general.

If you practice at practicing things, you can gain any skill much faster. That’s why I talk about practicing as a meta-skill. It can be applied to any individual thing you desire.

Habits are another meta-skill worth cultivating that I’ve written about before. (And have a draft of habits book sitting on my desktop too. Need to finish that up.)

What’s more is as I’m progressing, because the skill is being built quickly as with every lesson I learn something new, I’m having lots of fun.

I appreciate how quickly I can start to get into the flow of playing some simple chords and rhythms.

When I first started, I was writing it on my to-do list as something I wanted to get done. Now, I’ve quickly developed the habit. Further, because I enjoy it, it doesn’t take any motivation to do so. I’m finding myself playing a few times throughout the day, and the amount of time I practice increasing. It probably won’t be long til I’ve logged my first 100 hours of practice.

Maybe at that point, I’ll share some of my playing with you.

So many people get trapped into the thinking of “talent” or “old dogs can’t learn new tricks.” These are both damning mindsets that will keep you from experiencing new things or ever accomplishing anything worthwhile.

What new skill would you like to learn?