Comparing…it’s something that we all naturally do, pretty much all of the time. We compare one thing to another.
We also tend to compare ourselves to others. Unfortunately, doing so can lead you to anxieties, depression, manic behavior and all kinds of other things.
But it can also be hugely useful. It all depends in HOW you do it. What follows are some of my thoughts on the do’s and don’ts of comparison.
Comparing Babies
(Everyone will say you shouldn’t do this, but it’s human nature, so my guess is that everyone does it anyway.)
Recently, my wife and I were having a discussion about our baby, Elka. I’d been telling everyone how easy it’s been. She, on the other hand, has been having a rougher time. Obviously, there are some differences in what we’re each doing, her being the mother, the only one that can feed the baby.
AND, I think another part of it, that determined our differing outlooks, was in how we were using our comparison abilities.
In prepping for parenthood, I was asking every other parent I know about it. And I heard some horror stories, especially around the idea of sleepless nights. I really value my sleep, typically getting between eight or nine hours per night. (Part of the reason I need more than the average is because of the strength training I do. I know this because when I travel or lay off the training for other reasons I can function just as well without as much sleep.)
So, I was mentally prepared for that. I imagined having a child who would cry all throughout the night. And I tried to be ready for that.
As it turns out, that is not the case. She sleeps quite well. In fact, we’ve had a few nights where she has slept straight through, eight hours!
Any time there are difficulties, I compare her to what it *could* be. And I am grateful that it’s not.
In short, I compare reality against a much worse possibility, and feel better about how things are.
Onto, a different aspect, and one were I felt my wife was using comparison in a poor way.
Not everything is smooth sailing with Elka. She likes to be held or carried pretty much all of the time, except when she is sleeping at night. In fact, as I’m writing this to you right now, I’m wearing her in the Ergo. And, chances are, if I set her down she would wake up and start crying.
This proves tricky at times. And my wife was comparing her to some of her friends’ babies who could sit or lay by themselves for over an hour at a time.
In short, she was comparing reality against a much better possibility, and feeling worse about how things are.
In my mind, when there are things you can’t control, you should always be comparing against things that are worse. It’s a good recipe for staying positive. There is always a worse possibility…and that can be a good thing.
Financial Comparisons
Let’s switch gears and talk about money, something that we people can’t seem but to help compare ourselves to others in. Again, we shouldn’t do so, but we all do anyway.
I have millionaire friends. And I have friends that don’t make much at all. Plus, everything in between.
I have a really close friend my age that started up in business years after I did. He accelerated past me and sometimes I feel like I’m playing catch up. I have noticed when the thoughts and feelings come up of “Keeping up with the Joneses.”
Overall, that’s not a big issue. I keep it in check, realizing in many ways I don’t want what the Joneses have. But even here, it can be used positively.
Comparison can be used for motivation. Look at someone doing better than you, compare yourself, and then move in that direction.
Comparison can also be used to destroy your motivation. I can look at Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, or many other billionaires and think, I will never make that kind of money. So, what’s the use?
The difference from the previous case is that I can certainly exert a bigger degree of control in the outcome. So then it becomes about selecting the right outcome, based on comparison and if that helps you to make it happen.
Comparing Self to Self
Instead of comparing yourself to others, in many cases you will be comparing your self to your self. That is your past and future selves.
But this area too can be fraught with danger.
Compare where you are now to where you want to be in the future and you’ll always feel like you’re catching up…because you are. Your future self can always be richer, happier, healthier, etc.
This is a great recipe for dissatisfaction.
But that doesn’t mean that’s all it’s for. The simple act of goal setting really is comparing yourself now to that future self. This can be motivating too. It depends on how you feel about it.
And we can also turn to the past. Assuming you’re moving in the right direction, to feel good about yourself compare yourself now to where you were in the past. And you may find “You’ve come a long way, baby!”
But this can also be used to feel crappy about yourself. Look at something you use to have but no longer do. Maybe it’s your looks or your health. Again, more dissatisfaction, or motivation depending on how you do it.
Final Thoughts
This is a subject that is seldom talked about, but as it came into the forefront of my mind I had to write about it to clarify my thoughts.
Understand that comparing is one way that we use our mind, which in turn can radically alter our feelings. Thus, it’s worth taking an inside look at.
One thing I know, is that my future self will be even more effective at comparing for all the right reasons. 😉
Hopefully, you find these few ideas about comparison useful.